Falling Down

Falls are funny to me.

I know. 

I am simple.

I splash around in the shallow end of the pool

too much sometimes. 

My husband fell on some black ice in the parking lot of his office yesterday morning.

He is fine.

He called to tell me he fell.

I like to think it is because he knew I would get so much delight from the story.

But I think he did it more to say, 

"Hey! I fell. And it hurt."

(You know how guys can be)

He said he noticed the patch of ice.

So he adjusted his step appropriately.

Then he fell quickly 

and in such a way that he isn't sure exactly what happened.

(Even though I keep pestering him to remember and reenact.)

All he knows is that he at one moment was taking careful steps on an ice patch and then 

there may have been sky

and then there was most definitely pavement

and then he was on all fours.

Like baby Bambi on the icy pond sliding around. 

Well, that's how I see it in my head, anyway.

His glasses were a decent distance away from him.

Monte did a quick body assessment to see what still worked.

He found his hands were scratched up and knuckles bleeding. 

His pants were wet. 

(Oh. My.)

His neck was stiff.

His knees hurt.

His back was jarred. 

Of course I had to ask if anyone saw it.

He didn't think so.

Can you imagine the front desk receptionist seeing him 

limping in 

with wet pants, 

bloody knuckles 

and his glasses all askew?

Did she ask,

"What's with you?"

or leave it at

"Good morning!"

???

These are the kinds of details Monte could not remember.

He was too busy limping to his office so he could call me to tell me,

"Hey! I fell. And it hurt."

Monte has a history of falling down. 

But let me start by saying he is FREAKISHLY limber.

He can do the FULL lotus position no problem. 

Think criss cross applesauce with BOTH ankles on top of your thighs.

I actually find him sitting on the
floor watching football in
this position all the time.
Especially if the game is close.

The man could be the greatest yogi but he is NEVER willing to do yoga with me.

But we aren't talking about yoga, we are talking about falling.

Several years ago, Monte was on a ladder hanging Christmas lights on our house. 

It was dark.

I heard a yelp 

caught glimpse of a dark mass fall past the window

bounce off the bushes

and land on his feet facing the window

like he planned to do that all along.

If that were a gymnastics meet, I would've held up 

at least a 9 on my judge card.

At least.

But it was not always that way.

One time he cruised out the kitchen door for work one early morning like it wasn't 2 degrees and the world wasn't frozen solid.

(He grew up in Florida.)

I saw the tail end of his dress coat fly up past the door window. 

It took a few seconds for it to register that something was

not right about that.

I found Monte on all fours (hmmm…baby Bambi again)

with his head in his hands

and a grimace on his face.

I very intelligently asked,

"Did you fall?"

I can't remember what he said next.

**DISCLAIMER**I DO REALIZE THAT ALL THESE INCIDENTS WERE FUNNY BECAUSE NO SERIOUS INJURIES RESULTED. I KNOW OF MANY FALLS THAT DIDN'T END SO WELL AND WERE BY NO MEANS FUNNY.