If I didn’t mention it before,
I’ve been sick.
It started a week ago Friday morning when I felt a little fuzzy in the head.
Like I made a whole pot of hot water instead of coffee, fuzzy.
Like I dipped the bottom 5 inches of my hair in my yogurt
AND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT, fuzzy.
There was even a chunk of strawberry in my hair.
That fuzziness settled in and remained throughout my flu.
My voice went from Ursala from The Little Mermaid, to Daryl Hannah speaking her native "mermaid" from Splash (remember when she shattered all those TVs?) to Lucille Ball, the LATER years.
That fuzziness was never more apparent than a few days ago when,
and completely accidentally,
I flushed an entire deodorant down the toilet.
The last tube of deodorant in the house, as it turns out.
It fell off the shelf above the toilet, just as I was…
well, you get the picture.
I stood there stunned. I tried to scream but, Ursala's voice was back and she is really only good for singing, “Poor unfortunate souls…!” which does not keep the toilet from swallowing your deodorant.
I was left standing there wondering what effects a tube of deodorant could have on plumbing pipes. But also, I couldn't help thinking of Jonah. You know, biblical Jonah and the big fish (or whale).
I did a Priscilla Shirer study on Jonah several years ago and what I remember best about it is when Priscilla asked where we were in our lives.
Were we running away from God trying to hide like Jonah avoiding going to Nineveh?
Were we in the belly of the whale seeking God's mercy?
Or were we being obedient and teaching in Nineveh?
We all have.
Staring at the toilet,
I went right into the belly of the whale.
Did I mention Monte was out of town?
And I was still very much sick?
I envisioned the toilet belching up the deodorant in the middle of the night along with all the contents that had ever been done inside of it. EVER.
I texted Monte.
He told me to do some pre-disaster plunging for safety’s sake.
The toilet on a different floor decided to act sluggish. I felt like we might be in for a long night.
But it wasn’t.
It was fine.
The next morning I noticed the toilet acting a little lazy so I plunged it within an inch of my life and
out came the deodorant tube.
You know, it was the very whale who swallowed Jonah whole, who spit him right back up.
It's okay if you aren't following me--I'm still a little fuzzy.
And that sounded more brilliant in my head.
I victoriously held up the wet, dripping deodorant.
She was all Ew. Gross. Do you expect me to use that?
But I was just so pleased the rest of the day.
And I didn't have to deal with a flood.
Then I would've had to bring Noah into this.
I texted my mom the whole story and she wanted to know if it was all just a feverish dream.
I don't know…maybe it was.
But there is a waterlogged tube of deodorant in the trash can
that tells a very different story.