Paper Cuts

No, that isn't some cute play on words referring to a short cut on some paper craft

but that would be quite the sweet name for such a post, wouldn't it?

No, this is about paper cuts.

For real.

I don't like them.

Not that anyone can claim paper cuts as their favorite,

but I REALLY don't like them.

I could easily be forced to share sensitive governmental secrets with just the threat of paper cuts.

If anyone ever trusted me with governmental secrets.

But given my above confession, 
I am pretty sure I would be a threat to national security.

This paper cut issue comes with just cause.

It was the 1st day of 1st grade,

oh yeah, me and paper cuts go WAY back.

My teacher handed me an oversized coloring book and said I could pick any picture I wanted to color and tear it out of the book.

I looked closely over my options and picked a picture. As I was tearing the enormous sheet of paper out of the book,

do you see where this is headed?

I got a paper cut on the tiny piece of skin underneath my nose.

The piece that seemingly connects it to the rest of my face.

Like all paper cuts, 

it hurt worse than if a piranha nibbled my nose clean off my head.

I sat silently in my chair holding both hands to my nose,

convinced that if I let go,

my nose would flap in the wind, 

no longer connected 

by that little piece of skin.

I imagined myself going to the teacher's desk and having to talk through my hands,

in a muffled voice,

explaining my extreme pain and woundedness.

I also imagined that she'd patch me back together with a big bandage that would block both nostrils forcing me to mouth breathe the rest of the day.

Not a good start to the 1st grade. 

For me or the teacher because I remember a boy 

named Jonathan throwing up in the play area and 

then crying while he rocked back and forth in a 

balled up position by the blocks.

So why am I telling you about something that happened so long ago???

Well,

as I was getting out of the car this afternoon with a large paper shopping bag 

filled with just the cutest toys for all the little ones in my life,

lightning. struck. twice.

Yes,

I got a paper cut from that shopping bag right in the nose!

Not the tiny piece of skin underneath my nose that seemingly connects it to my face,

thank goodness!

But the still important upper part of my right nostril.

It hurt worse than if a piranha nibbled my nose clean off my head.

And it bled, people!

After I stopped sucking up all the air out of the car in a long drawn out gasp

and I finally let go of my nose long enough to look.

And after I stopped saying, 

"Not again!"

Like it was just yesterday that I was slashing the nose off my face 

on the 1st day of 1st grade.

I guess some wounds just don't heal.

Anyone else have a traumatic paper cut story?