Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Tis the Season

It has been so heavy lately.

I thought I would share a few observations from my day of errand running to get you in the spirit of the season.

And maybe to offer a little bit of levity.

It's what I do.

What I witnessed at Macy's:

After considerable trouble getting Frustrated Shopper's Macy's card to process, the sales lady asks for another form of payment.

Frustrated Shopper:  "Forget the whole thing! 
I have spent an hour here. 
And it's not like it's Christmas or anything!!"

Sales Lady:  "I am so sorry. 
I don't know what the problem with your card is."

Frustrated Shopper left all her "almost purchased" clothing on the counter and stormed out of the store in a most dramatic way.

Now, hang on. I am not judging. 

Hey, I wanted to drive a stake through my husband's heart for offering me a tip he heard from Kathie Lee and Hoda.

No, I just found it interesting…

and funny.

Than I went to the grocery store where you can use this great digital screen to order your deli meat without actually going up to the deli counter and talking to humans.
(I know! I'm not usually an avoider of social contact, but I LOVE this!)

15 minutes later you can pick up your deli order from a cooler in the middle of the store.

I LOVE this option--
even though I have walked out of the store
without my pound of turkey 
numerous times.

Monte has never had a good experience with this.
They lose his order every time. 
I don't mean every time
but in all actuality it is like every other time. 
I mean EVERY time.

It has become a family joke.

Well, after quite a bit longer than 15 minutes had passed, I strolled past the cooler and did not find my order.

I walked up to the deli counter and showed the gal my number issued 
by the adorable little printer 
by the computer screen.

She looked at me with loathing in her eyes.

Yes, loathing.

It was if iPhone's Siri had taken on bodily form and gotten a job at the deli counter at Kroger.
(If you need more info on my experiences with Siri, go here.)

Yes, Deli Siri hated me with just the same fire as iPhone's Siri does.

"We ran out of that."

Deli Siri said with a condescension that made me almost apologize for not realizing it myself.


I didn't.

I ordered something else.

Deli Siri sighed.

She sighed like I was keeping her from some other pressing matter.

Like I somehow FORCED her 
 into working at a deli in Kroger 
when she really wanted to 
be a ballerina 
or make balloon animals for a living.

I had to do a quick heart check.

Me to my own heart:  "Do I NEED Deli Siri to like me? 
Is it my job to cheer her up right now?"

Heart:  "No.
And heavens no!"

So I busied myself by looking at the ingredients of the loaves of bread nearby.

But I did smile when she tossed my turkey on the counter.

I thanked her and threw in a "Have a nice day," before I thought better of it.

She gave my turkey two little pats.


And said, "You too."

To paraphrase Sandra Bullock's character in "Miss Congeniality":

"She thinks I'm swee-eet. She wants to friend me."

Take that iPhone Siri.

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