Just Wondering

Why is it that when you buy something you'd rather not discuss with the cashier

you don't know from Adam

they always are just filled with the curiosity and audacity to bring up your Monistat cruising down the conveyor belt?

But load it up with 10 bags of candy corn you may or may not have struggled to fish out of the bottom of the Halloween candy clearance bin?

NOTHING.

Not a word from the cashier.

It is this kind of unaccountability that will never get me off the corn.

So I started wondering about the tales that cashiers could tell.

Of weird habits they've noticed.

Patterns.

Like I am sure Kroger has picked up that Monte ALWAYS buys aluminum foil EVERY TIME he goes to the grocery store.

But he calls it tin foil. 

Drives. 

me. 

insane.

They have not used tin in foil in OUR LIFETIME!!!!!

 Never mind the disaster that Monte is anticipating by hoarding foil.

Moving on…

One time I was in the drug store grabbing water for one of the girl's soccer games.

I was comparing prices on multi packs realizing that the drug store is not the place to go to buy bargain priced water, when I overheard a man, somewhat loudly, ask a worker where the eye patches were.

I don't care who you are, 

when you hear someone ask for an eye patch,

you turn to look.

basic. psychology.

So of course, I did.

It was a tall older gentleman that reminded me of David Letterman. Except for the left eye that he was squinting closed pretty hard.

The worker asked what kind of eye patch he needed.

There are different kinds? 

It was just after Halloween so my mind drifted to the pirate variety.

The guy said something I missed (deep in thought imagining David Letterman wearing a pirate eye patch) but I did manage to catch him say with a chuckle,

"Good! Because I can't see a #@!*% thing!"

I forgot the water and followed them to the eye patch section.

I needed to see this thing through.

Pun intended.

As I stood behind the guy in line to pay

he for his medical grade eye patch 

(that he was now wearing)

me for my expensive multi-pack of bottled water

I started to wonder if this one-eyed man drove there.

I noticed an elderly woman sitting in her car in the driver's seat.

Maybe that was his wife waiting on him.

But why didn't she go in and get the eye patch?? 

CLEARLY his vision was impaired.

Fascinating.

Fast forward a year.

We were at my daughter's 7th grade volleyball away game.

My parents were in town for the game as well.

All of a sudden, Monte said, 

"Oh my. Okay then. Wow."

That sort of thing.

We all looked at him like, what?

He started motioning with his eyebrows and then with his finger pointing into his open palm as if to conceal what he was trying to bring to our attention to.

We didn't get it.

Then we did.

But all at different times.

One of the volleyball referees had on an eye patch. 

Not the pirate kind like he'd always had it. 

The medical grade kind that was new to him since a surgery or injury or infection. 

And he had glasses over top of the eye patch. 

And he was reading the team rosters. 

He was reading the team rosters but kept sliding his glasses up then back down only to slide them back up again as if to say,

"I can't see a #@!*% thing!"

My mom laughed until she cried in a high-pitched squeaky voice.

Monte took pictures.

But I don't feel I can ethically show them since I don't have this poor guy's permission.