Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Happy HIGH HOPES New Year!

Hope everyone had a great holiday.

December is crazy without having surgery but you know what happens when you throw in a hernia to the mix?

Nothing.

Even though Nigel and I spent 3 days laying on the couch staring out the window in between long naps,

he had surgery to remove a benign tumor 5 days before I had surgery,

everything got done.



The girls and Monte did the grocery shopping.

Monte helped me wrap presents.

Everything got done.

I was WAY more tired than normal but oddly not stressed at all.

I think there is something to this "Ho Ho Hernia" idea.

Maybe it isn't just the possible title of a Hallmark movie as Monte suggested,

but a new perspective on the holiday season.

It's like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas but it's actually a hernia and it wasn't Christmas that was stolen but all the excesses like stress, not enough sleep and overdoing.

I didn't hurry.

I got plenty of sleep.

I watched a lot of movies.

I wore slippers instead of real shoes 
because I didn't leave the house.

And I still did my annual jigsaw puzzle as a reward for taking down the tree and other decorations.

It was "fahoo fores dahoo dores" glorious.


Or "ho ho" hallelujah.

I'm pitching this idea to Hallmark.

We didn't even allow a for real Grinch to ruin our season.



 On the last day of finals, McDaniel's car got broken into (in BROAD DAYLIGHT) while she and her friends were celebrating with lunch at Waffle House on the big university campus by our house.

When McDaniel discovered the broken window and the fact that her school-issued laptop had been stolen (along with my FAVORITE leather thrifted bag I found in Florida),

the university police were absolutely NO HELP to her.

You know why?

It happened on the wrong side of the street.

How loud and sarcastically can we 
all say "NO DUH" at once?

She called the city police and, get this, they told her to file the report online.

She explained once again that it was HER WAY TO GET ONLINE that was stolen.

Anyhoo,

we are glad this happened now, while McDaniel was still home, 
so we could help her realize that the world isn't all like her.

She told us that we AND our town have not properly prepared her for reality.

She's got me there. 

I grew up not only keeping my car unlocked at school, 
but the car keys on the floor mat in case anyone 
needed to borrow it during study hall.

Yes. 
I made it easy for people to take my car.

This was a good lesson for McDaniel to learn before she heads off to college:

keep your guard up 
and your valuables locked in the trunk.

It was a few days before the window could be repaired so we broke down a cardboard box to tape up the gaping hole where a window used to be.

McDaniel decided to decorate it in such a way as an extra-deterrent to anyone thinking of trying to break into her car again.

HBD is teenager for Happy Birthday.


McDaniel was taping up this masterpiece when the guy Monte hired to rake our leaves showed up.

I explained what had happened to McDaniel's car and he said he'd been broken into as well, in the same area of campus.

But since he raked and cleaned out gutters for a living, he decided not to replace his window since it was easier to haul his ladder around without an actual window in the way.

So there you go.

When life gives you lemons, throw your ladder in your car 
and get to work.

I love it.

Right after Christmas I went back to the doctor for a post-op appointment.

The surgeon said RIGHT AWAY that he had read my "Ho Ho Hernia" post.

I immediately apologized.

I know I was no longer on pain meds when I wrote it but I'd taken A LOT of naps since then and could barely remember what I'd written.

He laughed.

He took off the surgical tape which meant I could shower actually FACING the running water and I could also take baths again.

Oh, how I love a hot bath.

He told me no squats or lunges until mid-February.

What?!

I explained that my thunder thighs weren't going to fix themselves.

He laughed.

He asked how my pain was and I told him I couldn't sit criss-cross-applesauce without a fair amount of discomfort.

He asked if that was super important to me.

I over explained that it was.

That it 
really, 
really 
was.

As I was leaving his office he told me to think of him for any future surgical needs and I reactively said, 

"Of course!"

Wait.

What?!

No!

No.

Nope.


2017, I have HIGH HOPES for you.



2 comments:

  1. I hate that McDaniel had her car broken into, but I love that your surgeon read your ho ho hernia! Happy New Year Hartranfts!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Poor McDaniel!
    However, this post was hilarious!
    Happy New Year, Girl😘

    ReplyDelete