The Time Monte Got Stuck on a Chain Link Fence at a Field Hockey Game

McDaniel is a coaching a JV high school field hockey team.

She's never played. 

And knew very little about the game 

walking in.

Her team had a game just 30 minutes away from us so we drove to watch it Saturday.

It was an over 2-hour drive on the bus for her and her team so I decided to make each of them snacks bags for after the game and on the way home.

Snacks for 20 ended up filling a few leftover Amazon boxes.

The set up on this football field/track was bizarre and included lots of locked chain link fences.

We drove to where the bus was parked right by the track to see if we could get to the team on the other side from there.

Nope.

Monte hopped the fence and we handed him the boxes.

On the way back over, he struggled.

McDaniel couldn't watch and walked away towards the car.

I looked back to find Monte stuck in a straddle position over the fence.

I quickly joined McDaniel by the car.

We laughed.

After awhile, Monte marched towards us with a grumpy face.

"I'm hurt" he said.

Then he turned around to reveal an enormous rip in the hind end of his jeans.

Is this inappropriate?

The entire pocket was flapping in the wind 

revealing the color of his underwear.

Which wasn't white.

I can't remember if I fell down or leaned over or just blacked out from laughing.

Monte was mad.

His jeans were new

 and he really liked them 

and he just wanted McDaniel 

and I to see if he was bleeding.

McDaniel muttered something about refusing to look at her father's behind in a high school parking lot.

It was all up to me.

Reassuringly, I saw no blood and then told Monte to take off his jacket, tie it around his waist so we could walk all the way around the stadium and track to deliver the snacks he had earlier set by the fence.

Can you hear me laughing?

We got to visit with McDaniel during the varsity game and sat off by ourselves while her team enjoyed the snacks.

Three girls came over and asked McDaniel permission to go to the bus to get a blanket.

We watched as they walked around the track, forgetting to warn them that the gate was locked.

We saw one of the girls jump the fence. 

McDaniel worried since she had concussion.

We watched intently as the girl tried unsuccessfully to get back over the fence--almost exactly where Monte had torn the back end of his pants.

All of a sudden, an older gentleman emerged from the bus (one of those big charter ones) and helped the girl with ease right on over the fence.

Monte exclaimed,

"The bus driver was in the bus the entire time?! 

He could've helped me?? 

Why didn't he offer to help me?!"

I envisioned the bus driver trying to take a little nap when the ruckus of shaking chain link caused him to open his eyes to see Monte stuck in a straddle on top of the fence. 

I'm sure he got caught up in wanting to see how this situation was going to play out. He might have even recorded it just to make sure the bus drivers back at home believed it really happened.

The whole thing was funny all over again.

Until we got home and Monte made me check 

for a "flesh wound" 

in the middle of the kitchen.

What DJ Khalil and Aretha Taught Me

My favorite thing to do while I work out or do errands or make dinner is to pull up my Apple music library of songs I've downloaded and hit shuffle.

It surprises and pleases me to no end the vast variety of songs I like enough to download.

I love that this morning during my workout I went from DJ Khalil's Elevate from the Spiderverse soundtrack to Aretha Franklin's Precious Lord, Take My Hand/You've Got a Friend which was recorded live at the New Temple Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles.

Both of these entire albums are so good.

Do people say albums anymore?

Check out some of the lyrics from Elevate:

Gotta go hard (gotta go hard)

I ain't got time to waste (I ain't got time)

I gotta go high (gotta go high)

I gotta elevate (I gotta elevate)

They wanna fight (they wanna fight)

I'm just gon' let 'em hate (I'm just gon' let 'em hate)

I gotta go high (gotta go high)

I gotta elevate (I gotta elevate)

You better choose a side, you gotta choose a side

You gotta pick

You better do what's right or you gonna lose the fight

Those words popped out at me.

Especially after the dismal dumpster fire that was the presidential debates this past week.

I think we all need to elevate about 14 notches,

thank you very much.

And not take the bait to fight.

Then Aretha Franklin came on with a gospel version of You've Got a Friend but instead of "me" she changed it to "Jesus".

Check it out:

When you're down and troubled

And you need a helping hand

And nothing, nothing is going right

Close your eyes and meditate on Him

And soon He will be there

God can brighten up even your darkest hour

You've got a friend in Jesus.

It was so reassuring to know that in a country so divided, there is a way to turn--up. 

Not stick our heads in the sand in avoidance but seeking a truth that is lasting.

In a season where people are fighting for and and against every imaginable topic and issue, we have a friend we can count on that doesn't care how we vote (seriously). 

Let the haters hate.

Let's do better. 

And in case you were wondering,

the next song that came on was

Harry Style's Watermelon Sugar.

The Praying Mantis

Recently we went to an outdoor wedding.

I got to talk with friends I haven't seen in awhile.

While talking at a table with one lovely friend, 

a praying mantis seemed to fall from the sky right onto her shoulder.

She swatted it away but before long, it reappeared on the back of her chair.

I flicked it away.

Like, seriously, 

took aim with my finger 

and flicked it right in the face.

It was out of character for me, 

and kind of gross because it took a few times 

to get it to release its grip and fall away.

But I'm no hero, 

my friend casually flicked it away 

like it was NO. BIG. DEAL.

I forgot all about it until days later when I was outside watering my flowers.

I didn't see a praying mantis,

 but I remembered the one I saw.

I wasn't sure why so I went inside and did a little research on them.

Up until then, I would've thought the praying mantis was relative to the butterfly, 

a beautiful, peaceful creature thinking calm thoughts 

as it hangs out on a screen door 

looking to be spiritual.

Every image I saw from my search showed how greatly enlarged their forelegs are--like the forearms of Popeye. They use them for catching and gripping prey. 

They sit in wait, 

ready to pounce at any moment, 

with those Popeye legs folded 

in a praying like posture.

They feed on moths, crickets and grasshoppers 

but they will also eat birds (?!)

 and the female has been known 

to eat the male after mating.

Their closest relatives are termites and cockroaches. 

No butterflies in that family tree, not even twice removed.

So their reunions must be fun…

As I looked through the images, it struck me how, 

after reading of their strength and strategy, 

they looked more like a boxer ready to fight 

than a creature of peace ready to pray.

I've been pondering that… 

    how I underestimated the praying mantis.

Prayer is our weapon for battle, for sure.

It might seem to others to be a peaceful, 

passive action, 

but it can be powerfully explosive and active.

Especially to the enemy.

I've heard Priscilla Shirer say that when we put on the armor of God, it's prayer that activates it.

It's why some call their prayer areas at home war rooms. 

We need to remember to pray.

In the opposite school of thought, 

I've been pondering how the praying mantis 

is an example of how things aren't always what they seem.

Sometimes what seems like an innocent praying creature falling from the sky onto our shoulder isn't that at all. 

It's the enemy with its fists up ready to attack if we aren't ready.

Or willing to notice.

It will keep coming for us 

until we flick it right in the face 

sending it sailing away.

Now, that might sound overdramatic, but things beyond flesh and blood usually are and it's when we are laughing them off or underestimating their strength that they crawl back and sit on the chair behind us waiting to prey on us.

We need to remember the enemy.

It's when we remember 

that we can recognize it.

And casually flick it off our shoulder 

because 

we know who 

and what it is.

It's when we rest in the ignorance that our enemy is related to a butterfly instead of a stone cold killer of birds and boyfriends that we find ourselves in trouble.

The View From My Neighbor's Yard

We got new neighbors in the midst of this global pandemic. They have sweet twins, one boy and one girl who just turned 8. With another boy due in January.

We've had lots of over the fence chats, driveway talks and side yard discussions over this long socially distanced shelter in place time.

The twins had a very small, mostly family birthday party that we got invited to.

We sat in the backyard and ate bbq and watched an epic girls vs. boys kickball game. 

Monte and I never wanted to play kickball more in our lives. 

Alas, we were not asked to join. 

So we cheered from the picnic table.

Sitting in our neighbor's backyard gave me a chance to see my yard from a different perspective. 

Monte and I noticed a piece of trim hanging a bit from the side of our garage that only they can see. 

Some of my Rose of Sharon limbs were scraggly  

and haphazardly growing through the fence. 

But the worst thing I discovered were these vines that had taken over the backside (or my neighbor's side) of the ornamental grasses and forsythia that separate our yards.

They were covered and I didn't even realize it!

I spent Saturday pulling the choking vines from my plants. 

Some had bloomed with the daintiest little misleading white flowers 

while I uncovered brown leaves underneath on my forsythia bush. 

And isn't that just how it is?

When we don't change our perspective every now and then, 

take the time to actually leave our own yard, 

we can't clean up what we don't see. 

We assume everything is ok because it looks good from the comfort of our own back patio.

From our safe distance, 

we might even get a glimpse of the vine's tiny white flowers blooming and think all is well, 

never realizing the damage 

its vines are doing to the plant underneath.

My yard cleanup was much overdue and it's going to take some serious maintenance to stay on top of. 

Lots of pruning. 

Cutting back.

Uprooting. 

I might even have to dig up and replant. 

But now that I've seen my yard from another's,

I can't pretend I didn't.

Easter in the Time of Caronavirus

It's Easter.

We've been under an order by the state of Ohio to shelter in place for over a month now to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

We haven't sat in the church sanctuary in the same amount of time.

We watched Easter service from our couch.

No dresses, big lunch or tons of baked goods. 

Flour is too hard to find.

We have plans to order in for dinner since going to the grocery store requires a mask, gloves and waiting in long, measured out lines.

I miss my church family and my actual family, that we'd probably have driven out of state to see this Holy weekend.

But we made due, hiding the few plastic eggs we could find, 

not dying real eggs since we didn't want to waste any. 

We had to explain that some of the presents weren't shipped 

because they weren't deemed essential and were delayed.

This seems more authentic.

Talking about Mary seeing the resurrected Jesus first in our pajamas, the smell of bacon still in the air.

No rushing.

No fussing with new clothes.

No family pictures by the red bud tree 

because it's raining.

There's something in the air that feels like the Whos from Whoville just might start singing "Fah-who foris, dah-who doris" because, despite the Grinch, Easter came anyway, as it did all those years ago, without cellophane wrapped baskets and bows. It came without a big bunny bringing presents, tons of candy and food. It came without a special program at church and a packed sanctuary full of lillies. It came without gathering.

Easter came anyway.

Pared down, it feels bigger to me. More.

That in this time of sheltering in place and hunkering down, that we can see more clearly the honest truth of what it means that the tomb was empty.

It means what was thought of as defeat, wasn't.

It's actually victory.

It means that all who embrace the cross has new life.

It means change.

This is such a season for change.

Nothing is the same.

Some of us are handling that better than others.

Some of us are obeying the social distancing rules better than others.

Some of us are offering grace better than others.

Whole states are proving how important a governor is by the way they are being protected or not.

Churches as well.

It is so interesting to think how God is working in all of it.

Breaking down our love of schedules, 

busyness, 

achievement.

Eliminating our ability to ignore unhappiness, 

unhealthiness 

and denial.

It's been a test of what we think we have control of.

This melting away of comfort, 

influence, 

hustle 

and noise.

Importance, 

meetings, 

appearances 

and tradition.

What remains is so true and pure it hurts.

It is heroism, 

kindness, 

encouragement 

and love.

It's neighbors delivering food and support to one another.

It's long walks and phone calls.

It's FaceTime and Zoom.

It's gratitude for the helpers like teachers and first responders.

It's health.

It's an invitation to take a step towards who we were always intended to be.

It's an empty tomb.

Packing the Tambourine

Fear is a funny thing. It makes us do and not do the craziest things. Fear made someone buy cart loads of antibacterial hand sanitizer and fear struck in the heart of the person who saw them do it so they did the same. And so on and so on and so on and now NO ONE can buy hand sanitizer because people are literally hoarding it. Fear loves company. Works best in mobs.

Fear will keep you from living your life, hugging your neighbor, shaking a hand. Fear will put a barrier between you and anyone else and it will justify itself over and over and over again until you don't leave the house.

Some fear is important. We should fear lions and guns and spending more than we earn.

But if we sit around and think about the worst case scenarios every day, that isn't living. It's dooms day prepping--with or without the bunker full of beef jerky, hand sanitizer and toilet paper.

 I recently read Melanie Shankle's new book, "On the Bright Side" where she referenced a story in Exodus that changed how I look at fear and my community.

I am blessed to be surrounded by a community of God-loving women. I have more opportunities to be part of studies, groups and prayer than I have time for. I sometimes let that fact stress me out (I can  suffer from FOMO, fear of missing out, which might be the silliest of all fears).

In Exodus 15:19-20 Moses and his people, including his sister, Miriam, had just crossed the Red Sea safely thanks to God who kindly parted it. Their enemies who were chasing them did not, thanks again to God who promptly put the sea right back together again.

After Moses and his people were safely on the other side, Miriam and other women grabbed their tambourines and began playing music and dancing in celebration and praise of what had just
happened.

There are a few things I find fascinating about that:

1) THE WOMEN PACKED THEIR TAMBOURINES.
If you know this story in the bible, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt for a long time and Moses pleaded for their release many times but the Pharaoh always said no, until now. They didn't have much time to pack, because it was likely Pharaoh would change his mind. IT WAS GO TIME. So the fact that Miriam and so many other women quickly assessed their belongings and decidedly included the tambourine is amazing. It was typical after a battle to celebrate victory with tambourines and dancing. So in the midst of a very scary exit with lots of unknowns, like food, water and shelter, these women planned on needing some music for a victory celebration in the future. They packed for it. They packed for joy. They packed for dancing. They packed for celebration. They packed for victory. THEY DID NOT PACK FOR FEAR.

2) THEY PROCESSED THEIR FEELINGS THROUGH MUSIC AND DANCING. I imagine after I ran across a dry ocean floor after being pursued by an enemy who got swallowed right up by the same ocean, I'd need a minute or a week to lie down and recover. But no, these women planned on the victory. So they unpacked their tambourines. "Miriam sang to them: Sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea." Exodus 15:21 (NIV)
Talk about a worship time!

Right before that, Exodus 15:20 (NIV) says, "Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing."

This made me incredibly grateful for the faith-filled women in my life. The ones so excited about their bible studies, book clubs and prayer times that they think enough of me to invite me in. They are tambourine packers.

They are the ones who praise God not just after the storm but during it. And they encourage me to do the same.

3) THEIR TAMBOURINE PACKING WAS ENCOURAGEMENT. 
It occurred to me that when Miriam and her fellow tambourine packers, were running along that ocean floor with raging walls of water on either side of them, that they might have heard the muffled rattling jingles of their tambourines in their backpacks (or whatever time appropriate carry-ons they used). And it wasn't just one tambourine. The above verse said ALL THE WOMEN, so that means a lot of tambourines were rattling and jingling across the Red Sea. What a wonderful soundtrack of encouragement to keep going. Keep going even if you are scared. Keep moving towards victory. There will be a time for music. There will be a time for dancing. Keep moving towards joy. Anticipation. Celebration.

I am so thankful to be in a community of tambourine packers. Because it wasn't just that the women looked at Miriam and thought, hey, that looks fun, I think I'll join in. They had their own tambourines because they had packed them as well. They anticipated the goodness of God. They had faith. They had hope.

We need that. We need people around us who anticipate God's goodness. Who are packed with hope and faith and ready to unpack and celebrate at a moment's notice. It's the best kind of contagious. We can be that person for others but by golly, we need a village of dancers willing to whip out their tambourines to encourage us. God knew life would be more livable with hope. Victory much sweeter with music. So He gave us Miriam to show us that we too, can be tambourine packers.

So we find ourselves in the middle of a world trying to scare us to death.

Am I planning for joy? 

Dancing? 

Celebration? 

Victory? 

Am I anticipating the goodness of God? 

Have I packed my tambourine?

Dear Young Mom Me

****[I got asked to write an article to younger moms on rest by the youth pastor at my church. I found as I wrote, that my tone was yelling because I was writing to me.

So I decided to structure it as a letter. A letter to myself.]

I so wish that I had someone in my mom life early on to tell me it was all going to be ok. Before you go feeling sorry for this younger version of myself, I had a supportive mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and aunt who was speaking encouragement and life to me. Not to mention countless friends. But they all lived far away.

When I was nine months pregnant, Monte got a fantastic job opportunity in Columbus, Ohio. We were living in Atlanta. The nursery was painted and ready. The onesies were already washed and folded in the dresser. This was not what we planned.

We moved to Columbus sight unseen just one month after I had given birth. One month. We didn't know a single soul. No one.

This letter is what I wished someone would've told me then.

Dear Young Mom Me,

YOU ARE DOING GREAT! 

Seriously. You are! No one knows how to do this right away. Motherhood is a process. You will learn as you go, what each cry means, poop color and reason they are sleeping so long at nap time. But hear this:  the meaning is rarely death. No matter what the makers of each new baby gadget says, YOUR BABY WILL NOT DIE if you don't use their gadget. The marketing of these companies prey on us poor insecure moms and they'd stop doing it if it wasn't effective. Don't fall for it!!

Do yourself a favor and stop beating yourself up for not doing whatever latest fad on the internet says about parenting. And don't judge others for not doing mothering the way you do. OFFER YOURSELF GRACE. It will be easier to extend to others once you do and you will be a whole lot more fun to be around.

FIND COMMUNITY. 

Instead of obsessing over your baby 24/7, look for people to do life with. It will be healing to be transparent in friendships with people that understand and not judge. Surround yourself not only with women in the same life stage as you, but also with women who are just a step or two ahead in parenting stages and some who are WAY ahead. They will make all the difference. They will know why you are overwhelmed by teething and can offer advice and bring you a lot of peace that no one actually dies during potty training. The not dying thing is big with you. CHILL OUT.

By the time you have your second child, your community will be firmly in place and you will be a completely different parent:  calmer, more grace-filled and way less lonely. [SPOILER:  you have another girl, so those instincts telling you it was going to be a boy were WAY OFF. But your girls become best of friends. It's going to be a blast to watch.]

Community will be your recharge after a sleepless night when the kids have the stomach flu. Or ALL the laundry everyday. [TIP:  Deem spaghetti night "Naked Spaghetti" because the laundry is not worth it afterward. And it's fun for them to come to the table wearing nothing but a pull-up and Cinderella undies. Trust me, those memories are precious.] 

God knew what He was doing when He gave us each other. Enjoy the gift of community.

BE INTENTIONAL

With sleep, boundaries and recharging. 

Rest, already!

You are not being lazy if you nap when the baby does. Do it! The dishes can wait. So can the shower. I know the temptation is to stay up late to talk with Monte at night and feel like not everything about your world has changed, but have a bedtime. YOU ARE NO GOOD WITHOUT SLEEP. [This never changes for you.]

And when the kids are older you will learn the magic of rest. Keep the house quiet when they are at school. It will calm your mind, body and soul. Read in a quiet house without the TV or radio on. Your kids are loud--they get it from you. You will be able to tolerate that fact so much better having had a moment of rest each day.

Boundaries.

Rest is also being intentional about having margin in your life. Boundaries. Don't fill every moment of your day with activity. I know you hate being bored, but let me say this clearly:  no kid wants to be in 3,000 activities. Neither should you. Seek God's wisdom in how you spend your time.

Learn to say no. 

You will struggle with this. You don't have to be the room mom at school, president of PTO or in charge of the bake sale. You don't have to watch your friend's kids or teach Sunday School if that sucks the joy right out of your soul. I know you love to do different things but know yourself. If something is life-giving, go for it, but don't let yourself be sucked in to something you don't really have the time, interest or energy for. You will be asked to do some neat things and be apart of fun groups. Pray hard for discernment and wait for a clear answer. 

Remember:  your children are your full-time ministry. No, that doesn't mean you start preaching 3-point sermons to them (save it for when they hit middle school) but just remember that you are doing life with them just like you are the people in your bible study and small group. Make time with them. Be present with them fully and not distracted by all the things you said yes to that you should've said no. Start to view decisions through the lens of how it will affect your ministry. It's a game changer.

Recharge

Yes, this is different than rest. It can be lunch with a friend or a date with yourself at a coffee shop to catch up on reading or writing or just people watching. It could be prayer or listening to worship songs while on a long walk. It could be a spinning class. Painting. Making a wreath. [You will make so many wreaths.] It could be going to see a movie all by yourself. It could be walking around Target all by yourself. [You will love this to no end.]

Laugh. Nothing restores you better than a good, hearty laugh. Be intentional about it. [Hearing you and Monte laughing after putting them to bed will become a fond memory of your girls.]

Call a girlfriend. Plan a weekend away with your husband. Then plan a weekend away with your girlfriends. I promise, both will restore you.

One last thing:   The Lord is in this with you. He loves you. He's rooting for you. He put those particular babies in your life for a reason. [SPOILER:  They grow up running after Jesus hard.] So rest in Him--not in your own abilities to do this mother thing. Him. He sees the whole entire picture in His hands.

It gets easier, I promise. [Until they become teenagers.]

One more spoiler:  [YOU WILL GO BLONDE!]

Much love and laughs,

Old(er) Mom Me