I am not familiar with online auction sites other than eBay.
These auctions are local and there is no shipping or frills of any kind.
At all.
But she got the couch for an incredible price.
I told her she could of course use my car but the mom in me wouldn't let her go alone.
Ellie got home from school just as Meghan was arriving so we roped her into coming along.
Ellie is really strong.
We learned that on day one of kickboxing class
when the instructor, Dino,
who was a former cage fighter,
came out into the lobby of the gym to tell me
he was excited to work with Ellie to see
"where she could go" with her fighting potential
because she was "super strong".
We didn't pursue it.
Anyhoo…
we drove to the middle of nowhere to a warehouse where we were told to pull around the back.
There was a line of cars fighting for a handful of parking spots.
We noticed right away that people were walking into the warehouse with their own dollies and carts for carrying out their auction purchases.
There were a lot of trucks and big cargo vans.
I got a little nervous about carrying a couch to the far away parking spot that my normal size Honda Pilot was parked.
We walked up a loading ramp into the warehouse. There was a long line for people to check in and pay for their items.
All around us were piles and piles of stuff.
Some in boxes, some not.
Things like kitchen vanities,
chairs, faucets, credenzas, toys
and a large dented cage with a picture of a raccoon, opossum
and some other animal I couldn't quite identify.
It was a lot to take in.
Ellie and I announced we needed to go to the bathroom.
We looked around and quickly realized this was not the type of place that would provide a restroom for us while we waited.
The friendly lady in front of us with sassy purpley grayish hair, explained how everything worked. She said she'd been bidding on auction items for four months and got things like a crib for $4.
She was there to pick up a nightlight for $2.
The line was LONG.
She said we could get a dolly in a different line if we didn't bring our own but that line was long as well and for one of us to go ahead and get in it.
I volunteered.
I noticed that everyone in the dolly line in front of me had a piece of paper and their driver's license out.
Hmmm…
An older man missing an arm walked over and grabbed a dolly without waiting in line, showing a piece of paper or ID. He was quickly yelled at and made to return the dolly.
With his one and only arm he theatrically waved off the scolding as he walked away.
I went back to Ellie and Meghan in the other line to tell them that these warehouse people don't play.
Once Meghan paid and received the very important piece of paper, we were told to look for aisle 5 and for Sherman.
All the signs were hand drawn with a Sharpie on pieces of cardboard.
We had to step over a few things,
but we found aisle 5.
We found a sign that said "Sherman's Stuff" or something equally as identifying, but no Sherman.
A woman in an official looking vest told us to wait behind a handwritten sign that was taped to an orange cone that said something like "Christy's people wait here".
Other people were in line and asked if we were looking for Sherman. When we said yes, one guy said Sherman wasn't there and Christy was taking over.
Ellie said, "Classic Sherman," under her breath and I almost peed my pants.
Everything after that became super funny
and a threat to my bladder control.
Christy showed us where to find the ENORMOUS box that contained Meghan's couch and where we'd need to put it while we got a cart.
The box was standing on its end wedged tightly between other couch boxes.
Right next to the boxes was a pile of plastic rolls. The kind of plastic you'd put down before gravel for a walkway or something.
Meghan went after it and got the box on its side on the pile of plastic rolls quickly.
Getting the box turned around so we could carry it through the narrow area between all the other boxes standing on the plastic rolls was a true test to our strength, faith and my old bladder.
But we did it.
Ellie and I waited by the box while Meghan got a cart.
They kept her ID until we returned the cart.
Like I said earlier,
these warehouse people don't play.
All three of us got the couch box onto the cart and I pushed it.
When we approached the ramp down to the parking lot, I feared the whole thing would get away from me.
Of course, there was an elderly man using a walker climbing up the middle of the ramp.
I was already in motion and couldn't be stopped.
I looked at Ellie and she said something like she "just couldn't" and looked away.
The elderly man did the math
and moved out of the way
just in time.
Thank you, Lord.
Good thing because it was quite a swift ride down the ramp.
As we approached the car, it became apparent that box wasn't going to fit.
But we tried,
with lots of advice and encouragement
from those around.
We got the box in but the hatch wouldn't close. A sweet older gentleman asked if I had any ties.
I wasn't completely sure what he meant but I went ahead and assumed I didn't.
He disappeared and reappeared with a rope and instructions on how to tie my hatch down.
We had to drive home ON THE INTERSTATE, in rush hour traffic.
I didn't like the idea that the only thing
holding that big box in my car
was a skinny yellow rope.
We decided to take the couch out of the box.
That involved lots of pulling and ripping and grunting and sliding
and more instructions from all the parking lot people near us.
We got the couch back in the car
and the hatch still wouldn't close.
One of the parking lot people suggested moving up our seats in the front to allow more room.
It worked!!!
We all cheered.
As Meghan pushed the cart back to the warehouse to retrieve her ID, Ellie and I looked for a dumpster to get rid of the enormous couch box. None could be found so I scooted it out of the way and hoped someone would know what to do with it the next day.
Maybe Sherman, if he was back.
I'm not sure when it occurred to us that there were only two seats available for three people, but Ellie volunteered to hunker down in the "space" by the couch.
If it weren't for all the plastic and extremely tight quarters, she could've just laid right on the couch.
We took off on a mission to find a restroom before we hit the interstate.
Many tense minutes and a tricky turn later, we pulled into a gas station that had restrooms in a separate shed-like building behind the actual gas station.
It was the kind of place where I imagine murders happen.
I made sure everyone stayed close enough
to hear my screams.
 |
| So happy none of us were murdered using the restroom. |
Once we were back on the road, we started to unpack what had just happened.
We couldn't believe how cheap Meghan got her couch,
that it actually fit into my car
and how nice everyone was to us.
Ellie's voice was muffled as she chimed in because she was lying down crammed against a couch.
The whole thing was funny.
But God bless shipping and delivery.
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