****[I got asked to write an article to younger moms on rest by the youth pastor at my church. I found as I wrote, that my tone was yelling because I was writing to me.
So I decided to structure it as a letter. A letter to myself.]
I so wish that I had someone in my mom life early on to tell me it was all going to be ok. Before you go feeling sorry for this younger version of myself, I had a supportive mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and aunt who was speaking encouragement and life to me. Not to mention countless friends. But they all lived far away.
When I was nine months pregnant, Monte got a fantastic job opportunity in Columbus, Ohio. We were living in Atlanta. The nursery was painted and ready. The onesies were already washed and folded in the dresser. This was not what we planned.
We moved to Columbus sight unseen just one month after I had given birth. One month. We didn't know a single soul. No one.
This letter is what I wished someone would've told me then.
Dear Young Mom Me,
YOU ARE DOING GREAT!
Seriously. You are! No one knows how to do this right away. Motherhood is a process. You will learn as you go, what each cry means, poop color and reason they are sleeping so long at nap time. But hear this: the meaning is rarely death. No matter what the makers of each new baby gadget says, YOUR BABY WILL NOT DIE if you don't use their gadget. The marketing of these companies prey on us poor insecure moms and they'd stop doing it if it wasn't effective. Don't fall for it!!
Do yourself a favor and stop beating yourself up for not doing whatever latest fad on the internet says about parenting. And don't judge others for not doing mothering the way you do. OFFER YOURSELF GRACE. It will be easier to extend to others once you do and you will be a whole lot more fun to be around.
FIND COMMUNITY.
Instead of obsessing over your baby 24/7, look for people to do life with. It will be healing to be transparent in friendships with people that understand and not judge. Surround yourself not only with women in the same life stage as you, but also with women who are just a step or two ahead in parenting stages and some who are WAY ahead. They will make all the difference. They will know why you are overwhelmed by teething and can offer advice and bring you a lot of peace that no one actually dies during potty training. The not dying thing is big with you. CHILL OUT.
By the time you have your second child, your community will be firmly in place and you will be a completely different parent: calmer, more grace-filled and way less lonely. [SPOILER: you have another girl, so those instincts telling you it was going to be a boy were WAY OFF. But your girls become best of friends. It's going to be a blast to watch.]
Community will be your recharge after a sleepless night when the kids have the stomach flu. Or ALL the laundry everyday. [TIP: Deem spaghetti night "Naked Spaghetti" because the laundry is not worth it afterward. And it's fun for them to come to the table wearing nothing but a pull-up and Cinderella undies. Trust me, those memories are precious.]
God knew what He was doing when He gave us each other. Enjoy the gift of community.
I so wish that I had someone in my mom life early on to tell me it was all going to be ok. Before you go feeling sorry for this younger version of myself, I had a supportive mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and aunt who was speaking encouragement and life to me. Not to mention countless friends. But they all lived far away.
When I was nine months pregnant, Monte got a fantastic job opportunity in Columbus, Ohio. We were living in Atlanta. The nursery was painted and ready. The onesies were already washed and folded in the dresser. This was not what we planned.
We moved to Columbus sight unseen just one month after I had given birth. One month. We didn't know a single soul. No one.
This letter is what I wished someone would've told me then.
Dear Young Mom Me,
YOU ARE DOING GREAT!
Seriously. You are! No one knows how to do this right away. Motherhood is a process. You will learn as you go, what each cry means, poop color and reason they are sleeping so long at nap time. But hear this: the meaning is rarely death. No matter what the makers of each new baby gadget says, YOUR BABY WILL NOT DIE if you don't use their gadget. The marketing of these companies prey on us poor insecure moms and they'd stop doing it if it wasn't effective. Don't fall for it!!
Do yourself a favor and stop beating yourself up for not doing whatever latest fad on the internet says about parenting. And don't judge others for not doing mothering the way you do. OFFER YOURSELF GRACE. It will be easier to extend to others once you do and you will be a whole lot more fun to be around.
FIND COMMUNITY.
Instead of obsessing over your baby 24/7, look for people to do life with. It will be healing to be transparent in friendships with people that understand and not judge. Surround yourself not only with women in the same life stage as you, but also with women who are just a step or two ahead in parenting stages and some who are WAY ahead. They will make all the difference. They will know why you are overwhelmed by teething and can offer advice and bring you a lot of peace that no one actually dies during potty training. The not dying thing is big with you. CHILL OUT.
By the time you have your second child, your community will be firmly in place and you will be a completely different parent: calmer, more grace-filled and way less lonely. [SPOILER: you have another girl, so those instincts telling you it was going to be a boy were WAY OFF. But your girls become best of friends. It's going to be a blast to watch.]
Community will be your recharge after a sleepless night when the kids have the stomach flu. Or ALL the laundry everyday. [TIP: Deem spaghetti night "Naked Spaghetti" because the laundry is not worth it afterward. And it's fun for them to come to the table wearing nothing but a pull-up and Cinderella undies. Trust me, those memories are precious.]
God knew what He was doing when He gave us each other. Enjoy the gift of community.
BE INTENTIONAL
With sleep, boundaries and recharging.
Rest, already!
You are not being lazy if you nap when the baby does. Do it! The dishes can wait. So can the shower. I know the temptation is to stay up late to talk with Monte at night and feel like not everything about your world has changed, but have a bedtime. YOU ARE NO GOOD WITHOUT SLEEP. [This never changes for you.]
And when the kids are older you will learn the magic of rest. Keep the house quiet when they are at school. It will calm your mind, body and soul. Read in a quiet house without the TV or radio on. Your kids are loud--they get it from you. You will be able to tolerate that fact so much better having had a moment of rest each day.
Boundaries.
Rest is also being intentional about having margin in your life. Boundaries. Don't fill every moment of your day with activity. I know you hate being bored, but let me say this clearly: no kid wants to be in 3,000 activities. Neither should you. Seek God's wisdom in how you spend your time.
Learn to say no.
You will struggle with this. You don't have to be the room mom at school, president of PTO or in charge of the bake sale. You don't have to watch your friend's kids or teach Sunday School if that sucks the joy right out of your soul. I know you love to do different things but know yourself. If something is life-giving, go for it, but don't let yourself be sucked in to something you don't really have the time, interest or energy for. You will be asked to do some neat things and be apart of fun groups. Pray hard for discernment and wait for a clear answer.
Remember: your children are your full-time ministry. No, that doesn't mean you start preaching 3-point sermons to them (save it for when they hit middle school) but just remember that you are doing life with them just like you are the people in your bible study and small group. Make time with them. Be present with them fully and not distracted by all the things you said yes to that you should've said no. Start to view decisions through the lens of how it will affect your ministry. It's a game changer.
Recharge
Yes, this is different than rest. It can be lunch with a friend or a date with yourself at a coffee shop to catch up on reading or writing or just people watching. It could be prayer or listening to worship songs while on a long walk. It could be a spinning class. Painting. Making a wreath. [You will make so many wreaths.] It could be going to see a movie all by yourself. It could be walking around Target all by yourself. [You will love this to no end.]Recharge
Laugh. Nothing restores you better than a good, hearty laugh. Be intentional about it. [Hearing you and Monte laughing after putting them to bed will become a fond memory of your girls.]
Call a girlfriend. Plan a weekend away with your husband. Then plan a weekend away with your girlfriends. I promise, both will restore you.
One last thing: The Lord is in this with you. He loves you. He's rooting for you. He put those particular babies in your life for a reason. [SPOILER: They grow up running after Jesus hard.] So rest in Him--not in your own abilities to do this mother thing. Him. He sees the whole entire picture in His hands.
It gets easier, I promise. [Until they become teenagers.]
One more spoiler: [YOU WILL GO BLONDE!]
Much love and laughs,
Old(er) Mom Me
