I Can't Make This Stuff Up

If I could, I wouldn't be so surprised when crazy things happen.

And they do.

All the time.

Much to my surprise.

We went out to dinner with friends Friday night.

They picked us up in a torrential downpour so we ran out the front door (instead of the side door which we normally use) to get to their car quicker.

When they dropped us off at the end of the evening, the rain had stopped.

As we walked up the driveway to the side door, Monte bent down by his car and said, something like,

"My underwear?!"

He turned around to show me the sopping wet drawers in his hands.

Monte explained he must've dropped them walking into the house after work because he'd spent the afternoon with a friend at a lake. 

He didn't bring a cute beach bag to carry his clothes in like I would've.

And we didn't see the dropped underwear when we left for dinner

 because we went out the front door.

So there the underwear sat in the driveway in the rainstorm.

Soaking wet in the driveway when McDaniel's friends 

came over for pizza and movies.

The wet underwear with no one inside them.

From Dr. Seuss' "What Was I So Scared Of?" story.

Might sound familiar to those who know about Monte's 

"pants with no one inside them" incident at the gym.

I walked into the house and asked if any of the girls had noticed the wet underwear in the driveway.

They said yes but didn't know whose they were and went about their night.

Wait.

WHOSE UNDERWEAR WOULD THEY BE?! 

We are ALL girls in this house except for Monte and Nigel 

and only one of them wear underpants.

Hint:  it's Monte.

It makes me wonder what these girls have seen at college…

The next morning Monte went outside to flip over his now known as "driveway drawers" to make sure they would completely dry in the sun.

After breakfast we went for a long walk and ran into some friends.

Of course I told them the "driveway drawers" story and our friend suggested that it probably looked like Monte pulled in from a long day at the office and shed his clothes from the waist down right then and there as a way to usher in the weekend.

Little did we know what that would come to mean…

Later that evening, Monte and I were playing corn hole in the backyard before dinner.

I looked up to see the neighbor boy in our driveway NAKED.

He's 4.

We went into awkward mode and Monte walked him home to "get some clothes on, buddy."

As they walked down the street, our elderly neighbor pulled into her driveway.

She's one of those says-whatever-she's-thinking-no-filter kind of people so Monte knew he did NOT want to be spotted walking a naked little boy down the street.

Monte quickly got him to his house where his parents were unloading things from a day at the pool and didn't even realize their son was streaking over to our house.

They have two boys and a toddler girl 

and we love them all so much. 

Those boys have been coming over 

and making Monte and I want grandsons SO BAD 

one day.

Not soon.

But one day.

Monte told the little boy to come over again but he had to have clothes on.

So that was our weekend.

Wet "driveway drawers" 

and a naked driveway neighbor boy.

Hope your weekend is just as fun but in much different ways.

The Tree Demon…Or Not

A few weeks ago I hosted a movie night for my small group girls.

We've been reading Fervent so it made sense to watch The War Room since

1) Priscilla Shirer is in it. 

2) The theme of the movie is prayer as is the theme of Fervent.

Monte decided to busy himself outside the house by taking our various cars to get washed, filled up with gas, you know…Dad stuff.

It was after dark when he returned and the movie was over.

After everyone left he said he had something to tell me.

He said he was driving on the street that runs along the field by our house. There are trees that line the street along that field.

The headlights of whatever car Monte was driving at that particular time caught a shadowy figure that jumped in front of the trunk of one of those trees so as not to be seen.

Monte looked, and he said he looked hard, as he drove closer by but he could not see ANYONE in front of or behind the tree.

"It's like they faded right into the tree trunk."

I asked what he thought it was, more rhetorically, than seriously. He answered immediately,

"A tree demon."

For two weeks straight he brought up the "tree demon" every time we drove past the tree where the supposed "fading right into the trunk" happened.

We all just kinda let him talk about it.

It was a busy time.

FYI:  don't Google "creepy trees" if you value a good
night's sleep.

Sometime within that two weeks I saw on Facebook that there had been a police car chase very close to our house which led to a chase on foot and the police had asked all the residents just two streets away to not leave the house and to keep their pets inside.

Hmm. 

I vaguely remember hearing sirens 

during the The War Room movie.

Just a few days ago,  I was sitting with neighbors on their porch when they started talking about the police car chase situation so close to our house.

I asked when it happened exactly.

It was the Tuesday of our movie night!

The same Tuesday Monte saw the tree demon which actually was just a dude hiding from the police because he stole a car and then engaged in a high speed car chase.

Thankfully, Monte had stopped by our neighbor's porch to say hi 

after he got home from work because I don't think he'd believe me.

He was all invested in that tree demon story.

THE END

Savage Squirrels

I was weeding the side yard yesterday when I heard a lot of squeaking and squawking.

We have lots of birds and squirrels (and sometimes rats) so I didn't think too much of it.

Monte was spraying the weeds an hour or so later and came in to tell me he thought there was an animal dying in the bushes.

Ellie and I walked outside and we noticed there were no less than 6,000 squirrels around on the electrical wires, telephone poles, tree branches and trunk, the driveway and even in the neighbor's yard across the street.

Whatever was in that bush was of great interest to those squirrels.

Immediately, I assumed it was a hurt squirrel.

Monte got a rake and decided to "rake the bush" to see what would happen.

I'll tell you what happened.

6,000 squirrels all stopped what they were doing to stare at Monte.

Ellie said something like,

"What is happening with all these squirrels?!"

It was eerie.

Two small birds flew out of the bush and all the squirrels fled the scene all at once except for a few.

One squirrel was on the electrical line that runs above our side yard and he was giving Monte such a mean stink eye that it was uncomfortable.

Another was standing upside down on the tree trunk right next to Monte.

He looked enormous for a squirrel.

And I swear he never blinked.

We all came inside and wondered why the squirrels were so fixated on tiny birds in a bush. 

Isn't there a saying about that?

Monte did some research and found out squirrels EAT birds.

EAT THEM!!

What?!

I thought they were vegetarians

or whatever you call something 

that just eats nuts.

We think the squirrels must've knocked over a nest and the baby birds were in the bush trying to call out for momma and daddy for help but they were probably already EATEN by the savage squirrel gang in my yard!!

Hours later we were still bringing it up in an effort to process the carnage.

We've watched the squirrels in our yard for years digging up our grass to hide a nut only to dig it up a few days later to hide it somewhere else.

I always thought they were adorably simple.

Squirrels once ate every nut shell from a wreath I made for the front door--glue and all.

Maybe even a little dense.

I had NO. IDEA. of what they were capable of!

Later that night we watched the end of Jurassic World that was on television.

Now, you EXPECT a raptor to eat a guy.

Meat eater.

I learned that about their nature 

when studying them.

And watching all the Jurassic movies.

I had a dream last night something bit off my hand.

I assumed it was a raptor until now…

Summer! And ALL the Books

School is finally out, it's nice and hot and I'm ready to do little but read and ride my bike.

I thought I'd let you in on a few books I've already read and ALL the ones I've ambitiously purchased to read this summer.

Why I Hate Green Beans by Lincee Ray

One of my favorite authors, Melanie Shankle, plugged this book so I decided to give it a try.

Lincee is funny!

And also vulnerable and sweet.

It's written as a series of essays from different parts of her life.

Seriously, the whole why she hates green beans story is hysterical. 

This book was super easy to read and would be great to take on vacation.

Because of this, I follow Lincee's podcast 

which is also called Why I Hate Green Beans.

If You Only Knew by Jamie Ivey

This is such a great book. It follows Jamie's Christian upbringing and how some bad choices made in her teens left her feeling unworthy in the church. How people in the church made her feel like she could never share that part of her life. She began believing that "if they only knew" all the parts of her past, people would ask her to leave the church or think very little of her. 

Very thought-provoking and revealing how the church AND us as believers 

may not always extend grace the way God does.

I read this over spring break. I was actually sitting out on the balcony of the bad hotel reading a chapter on sin shock when the drunk college kids started whooping and hollering and announcing they were in Miami when they indeed were not.

It was convicting.

I highly recommend this. It would be a good gift for the college girls in your life too.

Jamie has an awesome podcast called The Happy Hour.

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

This is more of an inspiring motivational book than a Christian living book. Rachel breaks down typical lies that we believe that get in our way of fulfilling our purpose. She shares her own story of working for a Hollywood studio, becoming a wedding planner to the stars and then starting her own media company. It's hard not to feel ready to tackle the world after reading this.

A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engle

I used to always say that I loved this book growing up. I still have the copy I read back in the 70s. Here's the thing I discovered when I reread it:  I DON'T REMEMBER IT AT ALL.

Not even a few things.

It was super hard for me to finish with all the sciencey fictionish stuff. 

And I have less than no desire to see the movie.

The End.

Everybody Always by Bob Goff

Bob Goff also wrote Love Does, which I adored. 

I just started this and already have it marked up. It's so good.

He's such a great storyteller.

Other books I have purchased for the summer but not read yet are:

Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan

The Middle Place and Glitter and Glue were such great books so I have high hopes for this one.

The Rock, The Road, and The Rabbi by Kathie Lee Gifford

I did a quick 7-day devotional plan on the bible app on my phone based on this book and loved it, which led me to this purchase.

Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt

I heard an interview with Jen and she talked about how we have become a generation of Pinterest perfect pretty table settings yet we don't actually host anyone for dinner anymore. She talked about how people feel that they deserve to just sit on the couch alone in their sweats rather than fellowshipping with friends and neighbors. This intrigued me.

Steal Away Home by Matt Carter and Aaron Ivey

I heard about this on the Happy Hour podcast since one of the authors is Jamie Ivey's husband. It's the story of the unlikely friendship between the English theologian Charles Spurgeon and a slave named Thomas Johnson. I can't wait to start this one. 

Laugh It Up! by Candace Payne

Candace is the Chewbacca mask wearing mom who laughed her way into viral video fame. I heard her in an interview and she is so well spoken, knows the scripture and flat out funny. She's a blast to follow on Instagram. Especially during her recent trip to Israel. 

One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler

I know nothing about this except that Melanie Shankle wrote the forward. 

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

I realized today that I have no novels in my summer reading pile so on the recommendation of a few people, I ordered this. 

In stark contrast, all of Ellie's school recommended summer reading books are about war, racism or sexual assault. 

Oh, to be in high school again.

Happy summer reading!